


The Forbidden Soccer AU

by actualsunshinejakedillinger (orphan_account)



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sports, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor is Gay(tm), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Just hear me out, M/M, Soccer AU, Trees, Yes you read that right, but this time they're playing sports, connor is still an angsty teen, evan is lonely, evan is still a tree boi, he's only on the team so he can stay in the environmental club, i promise it's not a crack fic, it's west side story meets soccer meets deh, lots of trees, surprise guest appearances! ! !, tree bros as soccer goalies just go with it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-07 01:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11613504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/actualsunshinejakedillinger
Summary: ha bet y'all never thought THIS was going to be my first deh ficjust go with it, i wrote a little explanation in the first chapter





	1. so this needs an explanation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [edge_lord_101](https://archiveofourown.org/users/edge_lord_101/gifts).



yes this is actually a dear evan hansen soccer au. No it is not a crack fic.

ok so here's a quick lil story to explain why tf im writing a deh soccer au, so if you don't really care, it won't affect the story, so feel free to skip ahead.

* * *

 

I have a younger brother who's 11 and plays for a club soccer team, which is basically just an advanced league that stays together for multiple seasons. on this team he has a goalie(who is literally the most sports-talented person i've ever seen/met in my life idk how he does it) who's name is evan hansen.

yeah.

when i found out that he was joining the team back in february i literally lost my shit. me, the biggest piece of deh trash in the town in which i live, found a lil kid named evan hansen. 

for starters, he actually looks like he could be a young evan hansen. he's 11 and is about an inch shorter than me(15 years old, a sophomore, and barely 5'4"), but he has curly/wavy dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. also freckles, which is totally wild to me. 

so, naturally, i wore my deh shirt to one of their games and took a picture with him. also his mom's name is not heidi, which was a huge disappointment.

and yeah, so that happened. 

obviously I told my fellow deh trash friends about it, which eventually led to a game I attended on the 21st in which the goalie for my brother's team's name was evan, and soon after the game started, I discovered that the other team's goalie's name was connor. 

I sat there screaming internally for the entire game, texting my friend val @edge_lord_101 and we created this au

basically it's an au in which evan is dragged into trying out for the school soccer team by jared when they're freshmen/sophomores idk yet, but he hates confrontation so they put him as the goalie. as it turned out, he was pretty good, with just using his hands and whatnot. plus, he always liked being able to look at all the trees that surrounded the field while the ball was on the other side of the field. 

connor, on the other hand, tried gym class as a freshman, but had some pretty bad experiences with it and vowed to never go back. what he didn't know was that you actually have to _complete_ a year/season of a sport/gym class in order to graduate. due to his sister Zoe's indomitable skill on the field, she has led every girls team at their school to a state championship and now she's moving on to the jv boys team. the team her older brother connor just got placed as the goalie on. 

with a west side story style school rivalry, an accident, and a lie...

gayness ensues, as well as strangely okay soccer playing. enjoy, I guess???

don't worry, I'll be back to my typical be more chill fluff soon enough. 


	2. to break in a (goalie) glove

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just...give it a shot, trust me

The first day of his senior year and Connor Murphy is standing in the middle of a soccer field in a ponytail and  _shorts_. How was he supposed to know he actually needed to _pass_ a gym class in order to graduate? It wasn't like anyone told him he actually needed to participate back in freshman year. Or maybe they did, he honestly couldn't remember. 

So there he was, staying after school when he never even intended to go in the first place, trying out for the fucking soccer team. 

His younger sister Zoe was something of a legend at his school when it came to soccer. From winning the girls' junior varsity team the state championship in her freshman year by scoring a dozen goals, to doing the same on varsity as a sophomore, she was the only reason Connor was out on that field. 

Their parents had practically been begging Connor to play soccer with Zoe since they were kids, and frankly, he wasn't surprised when they jumped at the opportunity to put his name up on that sign-up sheet. 

The only reason he was actually going through with it was because there was absolutely no way he was taking gym class again after freshman year. Needless to say, after more than a few misguided hands and bloody noses from upperclassmen in the changing rooms and on the field, he wasn't very eager to go back. Not that he would ever actually tell anyone that that was the real reason. For all his parents knew, he just never felt like showing up to that class. What they didn't know was that he didn't like showing up to that class because back then, he was too terrified to even consider defending himself. Oh, how the times had changed. 

After about half an hour of the coach discovering Connor's lack of ability to actually kick a ball without holding it in his hands, he agreed to let him on the team, sticking him in the goal. Playing goalie was fine with Connor, favorable actually. He didn't have to run, which was obviously a bonus. Plus, he actually got to wear a long-sleeved jersey, so he didn't have to worry about covering his arms, not that anyone he knew would care if they saw them. 

He thought he would care at first, being the deciding factor of whether his team would win or lose. He could deal with the disappointment, he thought.

As his tryout ended and he packed up his things, the coach called out, "Murphy!"

Connor whipped his head around, his nerves peaking in seconds, only to see Zoe jogging over to the field. She stood next to the boys' junior varsity coach, greeting him like an old friend as Connor groaned, continuing to put on his boots.

"You're joining us this year, right Zo?" The coach asked as Connor watched her nod. Great. Just another chance for his sister to show their parents just how much better of a child she was than him. 

He slung his backpack over his shoulder and left, not wanting to stick around long enough to be dragged into a self-depreciating conversation with his sister. Instead, he just jogged a little down the street before he stopped, having created a satisfying amount of distance between himself and the school. From that point on, he pulled out a pair of headphones, putting them into his ears and selecting a playlist on his phone. The screen was cracked and he could barely tell the differences between all the names on the screen, but once the roaring bass and blaring vocals filled his ears, it didn't really matter anymore. 

Connor entered the Murphy house through the back door, a trend he had established in middle school when he found that the later he came home, the more likely he'd be able to avoid confronting his dad watching baseball in the den. Thankfully his tattered converse didn't make much noise as he gracefully climbed the wooden stairs up to his bedroom, stumbling down the hallway as smoothly as he could. When he reached his bedroom down the hall, he cracked the door open quickly, avoiding the creaking with the speed as he slid inside, shutting it behind him. He wouldn't need to worry about going downstairs for food or anything, so instead, he pulled out the last bit of homework he had yet to do, having finished most of it productively at lunch time as he sat alone in the aisles of the library, and began writing an essay.

The headphones remained in his ears as they did most of the time, now playing a much more relaxing tune as twenty one pilots' Truce album shuffled through melancholy ukulele, calming piano, and of course, the ever-remaining steady drum beats relaxing his constantly-raging emotions enough to write about the Renaissance for an hour or so. His art history class was a bitch to anyone taking it, Connor often included, but he had to admit that something about it was sort-of interesting about it. He liked the art, not so much the stories of the artists, but he liked to draw a bit himself, so he appreciated seeing the different works and styles. He knew his sketches weren't very good, or at least that's what he had conditioned himself to think, but yet he still continued to do them, pulling his sketchbook out of his desk drawer and laying on his bed. 

Picking a solid-lead pencil off his bedside table, Connor flopped down onto his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows as he flipped through the book to a blank page. 

For whatever reason, he drew a tree. A barren, leaf-less one, completely shaded without an ounce of the bright white paper remaining. He drew that tree over and over from different angles and with different tools for hours, not really knowing why. 

* * *

Evan Hansen was a different story. He finished soccer practice at around five o'clock and was on his way home at six. The problematic murmur of his mom's car engine in front of him served as no comfort as Heidi Hansen pulled into the school parking lot. Despite the dozens of times Evan asked to just walk home, his mother insisted she drive him everywhere, claiming it was some sort of mother-son bonding time. 

Yeah, bonding an hour late as Evan sat all alone on a random slab of concrete, thankful he remembered to at least bring a book with him. 

"Hi, sweetie!" His mother called, waving as she rolled down the passenger side window. Evan tucked his book under his arm and grabbed his bags, dragging his feet over to the car. he opened the door with more effort than should've been required for any other car, but he was used to it. He tossed his bags into the backseat and climbed in, latching the worn seatbelt over his chest. 

"Hey mom," he grumbled, too annoyed to be stressed about anything. However, his mother would notice. She always did.

It wasn't often that Evan could get any words out at all without stumbling and stuttering his way through each sentence. She frowned, taking the wheel with one hand as she placed her other on her son's shoulder. As they pulled out of the school parking lot, Heidi spoke up.

"Evan, honey, what's wrong?" 

He couldn't tell if she was annoyed as well or just confused. It was always pretty hard to tell with her. When Evan didn't respond, Heidi pulled to the side of the road, parking the car for just a moment. 

"Evan, talk to me," she spoke, her tone demanding and urgent, but not angry in a weird way. More like worried. 

He grumbled out what was barely an answer as his mom sighed, retracting her hand. 

"A whole hour, mom."

Heidi groaned, running her hands through her hair as she pressed her forehead into the steering wheel, a loud honk making both passengers jump. They sat in silence for a moment, before Heidi just started laughing. It took a while at first, but soon Evan did too, not sure if it was genuine or simply a pity laugh, but he did it nonetheless. 

"M-mom, please just let m-me walk home," Evan pleaded, hopefully for the last time. 

His mother just grabbed one of his hands and nodded solemnly. 

"Sweetie, I know it's hard, and I know I can't always be there for you when I want to, but I hope you know that I do everything I can to make you happy, things just, sort of, slip by me sometimes, hon. I would never purposely leave you at school by yourself for an hour, but I had to cover a patient that stayed after my hours," she spoke as Evan nodded in response. It was always one of the same few things; covering an absent nurse's shift, finishing up with a patient, meeting with her boss, etcetera, etcetera. He could deal, though. He knew what she was saying was true. "Evan, if there's anything I could possibly do to make it up to you, you know I'll do it."

He just shook his head, brushing away the blonde hairs that fell into his face as a result. His thumbs returned to their position resting in his lap as the twiddled mindlessly. 

They continued the drive home, this time in complete silence as they pulled into the gravelly driveway of the Hansen household. Evan collected his things, creaking open the front door and retreating to his bedroom. As he did so, he pulled the homework papers he had minutely started throughout the day and began working, hoping to get them over with as quickly as humanly possible. No, it was not a good night for Evan Hansen. Not that anyone would know. He ignored a text from his 'family friend' Jared asking him to go online and play some indie video game with him and just finished up his assignments. 

Only afterwards did he return to the kitchen, grabbing the remaining half of a cold sandwich his mother had brought him for dinner the previous night. He grabbed a plate and a small bowl, pouring himself the minuscule portion of the pre-made popcorn in the opened bag on the counter. With that, he left for his bedroom once again, pulling out his laptop as he sat cross-legged on his bed. The Discovery Channel was supposedly screening a new documentary about prehistoric plant species and his evening plans were made. Sitting alone in the dark with a cold tuna sandwich and a bowl of stale popcorn watching old people talk about tree fossils was a perfect night by the Evan Hansen standards, so that's how he spent most of his days.

Waking up, taking meds, suffering and sneaking through school, soccer practice, homework, and his daily plant enthusiast fulfillment, and occasionally he might see his mom in between.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to anyone who's giving this a chance! i know it's weird, but i have a pretty strong story that legitimately makes sense, so... stick around! much love to any commenters, readers, bookmarkers, or anyone that gives kudos!
> 
> also welcome to any new readers either finding this through deh or bmc! hopefully this isn't too weird, but i'm always glad to have you all!


	3. kicking and (internally) screaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the complete opposite of your typical meet-cute
> 
> but it is pretty cute, i must admit

Connor just wasn't having school that day. Or any day for that matter. The whole week up until Friday night was pretty much hell and the absolute last thing he wanted to do was go play a fucking soccer game when he came home that day.

But he did. He stuffed an old duffel bag with his favorite hoodie, his boots, and proceeded to pull on his newest additions to his wardrobe.

For someone who exclusively wore black jeans and sweats, bright red shorts that cut off  _above the knee_ were not the most thrilling garments. The jersey was okay, just a black long-sleeved shirt with some red stripes on the sleeves and the school logo on the front. Plus, the socks weren't bad, seeing as they covered almost all of his calves, and made his new cleats hurt a bit less. The gloves would take some getting used to, but he would manage. He pulled his hair back and tied it into a bun, not caring about the few strands that fell back around his face, not long enough to fit with the rest of his hair. He didn't mind much, blowing them out of his face as he laced up his shoes, tossing his sketchbook in his bag and retreating downstairs and out the door.   
  
He decided against waiting for Zoe to be ready to leave, still annoyed to no extent that they would actually be forced to be civil in a public space together, but not wanting to make anything worse than it already was. It wasn't that Connor hated his sister. Far from it actually. He just had made some really horrible changes over the past few years that didn't go very well with Zoe. He hurt her in more ways than he would have ever wanted, but eventually she started fighting back as well and their friendship was gone. It was completely hopeless at that point. 

Connor never regretted anything more in his entire life. 

Evan Hansen was a different story. He had no siblings, no dad in his life, and his mother was hardly ever around, but he would do anything for a little company every once in a while. Surprising, right? Someone with extreme social anxiety is lonely, how ironic. 

But it was true, he just wanted someone around. Someone who wouldn't judge him taking twice as long as a normal person just to get a single sentence out. Someone who was ready, willing, and able to just listen when he needed it. Jared had been there as his so called 'family friend' for as long as he could remember, but it just wasn't enough. 

So two weekends after school started, when they had their first game, Evan decided against going over to Jared's to watch him play Minecraft for the millionth time afterwards. Instead, he found himself sitting by the parking lot under the same tree he waited under for years. He was used to always taking a book with him to games and practices after all the times he was left with nothing to do, but for once in his life, he wasn't alone for long. 

 "Hey," a voice spoke, startling Evan as he shut his book, jumping back slightly. 

And there he was. A giant compared to Evan with wavy brown hair tied up in a bun and shimmering blue eyes. He was freakishly pale with a lanky form that only made his bright red uniform look more out of place. He seemed upset and any other time Evan probably would've hidden from him, but, even to his own surprise, he just relaxed and opened his book again. 

So Connor knew he was gay. That was the easy part. The hard part was deciding when was the right time to ruin his parents' lives again. Spoiler, he decided on never. 

When he was finally able to leave that godforsaken field, Connor was ready to just march on home and sulk around his room, as his mom says he does constantly, he saw something that caught his eye. Or rather, some _one_. With his lack of impulse control, he just went up to the boy, sitting beneath a tree, and did the stupidest thing he'd done in a long time. 

But then it wasn't. Because when that boy looked up at him, his deep blue eyes caught the glint of the sun and his golden blonde hair shone, and Connor just stared. He was probably freaking the kid out, if he didn't already scare him half to death when he spoke, seeing as how the kid literally jumped at the sound of his voice. That wasn't too surprising, but he figured the only thing going for him was that he looked absolutely nothing like how he normally did, and that was a bit of a reassurance. 

"H-hi. Uh, y-yeah. H-hello," Evan stuttered, his eyes fixating on Connor worriedly before burying his face back into his book. 

Connor smirked, sitting down cross-legged in the grass across from the smaller boy. If only he could bring himself to strike up a legitimate conversation. 

"Nice job today, blondie. You guys really do live up to the rumors," Connor mused, hoping at least a little bit of authenticity got through to his compliment. So he wasn't the best at showing his actual emotions, what's new?

The boy smiled a little, looking up from his book and muttering a quick 'thank you' before blushing and turning his attention away from Connor once more. This was going to be harder than he thought. As if it wasn't almost impossible already. 

So, in typical Connor Murphy fashion, he gave up and just left. He collected his things, stood up, and left. A part of him wished he'd looked back to see if the kid had even noticed him leave. Probably not. 

He just blocked out the possibilities and tugged the dark grey hoodie out of his back. The moment he put it on he was strangely comforted but the uncomfortable heat of the late afternoon weather, but ignored it and started his path home, watching his feet move slowly across the concrete. 

It took about fifteen minutes to walk home, only slightly longer than usual, but he snuck around to the back of the house the moment he saw his parents' car in the driveway already. The back door was almost always unlocked due to Connor's habit of sneaking out for fresh air every few hours, and he was in the house easily. 

Evan, on the other hand, was pleasantly surprised when his mom arrived only a few minutes after the kid left. She even seemed the slightest bit genuine when she asked about the game and apologized for not being there. 

He didn't want to fight right now. He just needed his mom to be his mom for once.

And maybe so did Connor. She tried more than his dad did, that was for sure, but she just never knew how to care the right way. She decided what was best for him without asking him what was wrong. She tried taking him to family therapy groups with her, but kept asking him to share what was wrong with him. He couldn't do it and she just didn't understand. That was it. She cared, and deep down he knew she loved him, but she just didn't understand and didn't make the right efforts to figure it out. 

So Evan had a mom who knew just what to do but was never there to do it and Connor had a mom who wanted to be the hero and fix everything, but didn't have the slightest idea how. 

Evan felt everything too much and just wanted to relax. Connor felt almost nothing at all just desperately wanted to know how to feel at all. 

They were a huge fucking mess and, at least for now, the outlook was far from good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there! sorry i've been gone for so long, sophomore year just started and i was suffering through band camp all summer, but hopefully i'll be posting a lot more now! thanks to anyone who actually decided to stick around, i know it's crazy, but it's going to come together i promise;)
> 
> i love you all, my guys, gals, and nonbinary pals


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